Chocolate
It is often said that "Chocolate is a substitute for sex", however the truth is that "sex is a substitute for chocolate".
Here are the real reasons why chocolate is better than sex, men, relationships or anything else really...
| 1. | Sex induces the same hormonal response as does a bar of chocolate. |
| 2. | A bar of chocolate costs far less than a rent boy. |
| 3. | Chocolate is readily available from a variety of legal retail outlets 24/7. |
| 4. | Your realtives will buy it for you as birthday, Christmas and Easter presents. |
| 5. | You can't catch any unspeakable diseases from a fresh bar of chocolate. |
| 6. | You don't have to tell a bar of chocolate that you love it before you can have your wicked way with it. |
| 7. | A bar of chocolate won't make you cry, except for the right reasons. |
| 8. | You won't have to cook breakfast for a bar of chocolate in the morning. |
| 9. | If you are careful a bar of chocolate makes less mess in bed. |
| 10. | A bar of chocolate won't complain if you want to try another bar. |
| 11. | You can have another one straight away, no waiting, if you really want. |
| 12. | If you keep a bar of chocolate in the fridge it's always hard. |
| 13. | A chocolate bar won't deny your desires at two o'clock in the morning when you wake up gagging for it. (Chocolate bars don't have headaches.) |
| 14. | A chocolate bar won't complain if you watch just one more episode of Star Trek, Stargate, Battlestar Galactica, Dotor Who, Blakes 7 or Space 1999 before coming to bed. |
| 15. | A chocolate bar won't sulk when you refuse to put any sort of reality-TV or soap opera show on the TV and insist on watching University Challenge and Newsnight instead. |
| 16. | A chocolate bar won't insist you drive it home, half-way across the city, first thing in the morning. |
| 17. | A bar of chocolate won't say it still likes you, but can it just be friends with you, after your first intimate encounter. |
©1994-2010 Ian F. Jukes